Reasonable Fears

and a story

“Don’t fall!”

I am rehabbing my left hand and wrist following surgery for a broken radius. I broke my wrist because I fell for no good reason while out on what I call my fast walk. No good reason! I have pretty good balance, too.

So I am old and we old ladies have brittle bones. Though I tried to be as positive as I could be about the break and the cast and all the falderal and inconvenience and pain, I really do not want to break anything ever again. So now I am a bit fearful.

Yesterday I came this close to playing pickleball, which is one of the things I’ve been avoiding because I’m afraid I might fall. A group of very nice people were playing outdoors on the unseasonably warm day we were having and I got the itch and I thought maybe this would be the day. I dressed for it, considered things, dusted off my pickleball shoes, and then stopped short of putting them on. Something in me said, no. No, not just yet. I would go to the gym and have a fast walk on the track instead.

Immediately I felt I’d been led to the gym. There were conversations with people I was meant to see. There was a health and wellness fair going on, a thing I had stumbled onto last year, too. (Not “stumbled,” obviously, because that would mean I had fallen again.) But this time I feel I was drawn to it. I was taken there. I’ve been thinking about learning tai chi and qigong, and of course they were well represented, and particularly by a lovely woman I’ve known only slightly for years. Her face broke into a beautiful smile when I said my name. “Oh! The artist!” She was married to a Japanese man I’d met on the track in, I believe, 2014. He was a runner. He wore a T-shirt that said “1930 MODEL - MADE IN JAPAN - STILL RUNNING.” Of course, that put him at 84 at the time. One day he said he’d been reading about interval training and was trying that out. At 84. Lovely man. And his beautiful widow is part of the Tai Chi and Qigong group. I would love to get to know her.

At the Public Library table I was given a bag printed with a beautiful image of a fox curled up on an open book, plus a pen and a pencil. At another table, I received a small foam brain, meant to reduce stress; but I will use it to exercise my weak left hand. At the last table I met an unusual and interesting woman promoting a list of unusual and interesting “spiritual growth” sessions she offers. She had a penetrating gaze. She spoke of angels. She offers “Diksha Karmatic Release” (!) and many other things. She has “Psychic” on her business card, as well as “Reiki Master” and “Family Constellations” and “Akashic Records.”

I left the gym and the wellness fair feeling quite full, indeed, and knowing for sure that I had been drawn there to discover all of those people and things. I plan to add one or two of those things to the constellation of practices I’ve been keeping up lately. Perhaps an angel whispered in my ear, “Go to the gym today.” Regardless of how it all turns out, I am glad I did.

Reasonable fear can be helpful. The fact is that I could fall at pickleball and I have fallen there—twice—on that very pickleball court. In the gym, on that smooth floor, one’s shoe will encounter a bit of something sticky or something wet out of the blue and boom! down one goes. I know two people who’ve broken their wrists right there. On the outdoor courts, I once saw a woman fall and break her femur! It is not unreasonable to imagine that one might fall. That doesn’t mean that one will fall, I know this. I don’t like to think of myself as a fearful person, but I do have fear, so for now, at least, I’m waiting. One day I will play again.

In this particular instance, I was led in a truly wonderful direction. At the very least, I came away with a bright yellow foam brain and a darling bag adorned with a fox! At most I will once and for all learn about tai chi and qigong. Or angels. My life will be enriched, again. Again!

I will definitely be listening and paying attention to those little inklings that say, “Do this. Don’t do that other, just now.”

“When you reach the end of what you should know, you will be at the beginning of what you should sense.” - Kahlil Gibran

“Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” - John Lennon

“Intuition is always right in at least two important ways. It is always in response to something. It always has your best interest at heart.” - Gavin De Becker

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Thanks for listening,
Kay

P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the “merry thoughts.”