Today’s New York Times newsletter contains a story about a pileated woodpecker that has been destroying the side mirrors of cars in a small New England town. Oddly and coincidentally, I had been planning to start my letter today with a robin that has been tapping at my basement window for days.
The theory about birds attacking car mirrors is that they’re going after a perceived interloper that is actually their own image. That makes some sense. But this robin? That basement window cannot be clean enough to reflect back an image. What is this bird after?
I identify with that robin, though, beating its head against my window. I’ve been beating my own head against a wall, so to speak, the wall of my beautiful dog’s aging. Miles has aged, it seems, two or three years in the months since his best pal, his older “brother” died in September. In actual fact, my hale and hearty dog Miles has shown signs of aging, starting with spinal stenosis, since 2020, and I have been on a quest to find the miracle that will fix him up ever since.
But now, look at this list: kidney disease, pancreatitis, fatty tumors all over, weight gain, arthritis. Now that last is what’s making his life miserable. A dog owner I know said Gabapentin made her golden retriever a new dog! Another told me that the brand new monoclonal antibody worked magic on her dog, who had been wearing braces on her front legs for a while. Now she no longer needs braces and they walk a minimum of two miles a day! I jumped on both of those bandwagons in a flat second. But no miracle has occurred for us.
CBD oil seemed to help for a while. Oh, each new thing seemed to help at first—but now I think probably only because I wanted them to. Now we’ve come to the end of the list. All of the things have been tried. No more newfangled things to buy.
The oldfangled thing now is for me to accept what is, and spend as much time loving on him as I can.
The Buddha said, “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” This just flew back into my brain after yet another disappointing vet appointment. Like that robin, I have made things worse for myself by fighting against Miles’ inevitable decline. He is an old dog. Our previous vet pronounced him old nearly five years ago. Old?? He was only 11! I’ve had dogs live to be 17 and 18. Eleven to me was middle aged at most.
Accept what is. Easily said but so difficult. We are in fighting mode right now, as a people, as a country, and rightfully so. One cannot just mindfully, Zenfully accept everything that is. Some things must be resisted and fought. Some things, but not all. Not the natural unfolding of a life, however wildly, ferociously, indelibly, undauntedly, recklessly, resplendently loved that being’s life may be.
Eleven
He is an old dog, my vet said.
He's only eleven! I cried.
He is in his 70s, she countered.
But. But but but.
I had so many objections.
He is my hale and hearty dog
my stalwart companion
the one with the jaunty step
the fearless explorer of woods & creek
my role model for flat-out joy
my Tigger
my heart.
How could he, like me,
have a decrepit neck?
I take Social Security. Medicare.
But he! He is only eleven.
Just yesterday he killed a snake!
We have yet to go camping.
He hasn't seen the ocean.
I still have his baby tooth.
He is only eleven.
***
You and me, Robin. The next time I hear you beating on my basement window, I’ll take it as a reminder that both of us need to practice acceptance.
“I am continually challenged to stop arguing with reality and instead soften into what is. Over time, I learned to find beauty, meaning, and wholeness in the heart of reality. Unpredictable, ever-changing, humiliating, and humbling reality.” - Mirabai Starr
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” - Lao Tzu
“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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Thanks for listening,
Kay
P.S. MerryThoughts is the name of my first book, out of print at the moment. The word is a British one, referring both to a wishbone and to the ritual of breaking the wishbone with the intention of either having a wish granted or being the one who marries first, thus the "merry thoughts."
Love to you and your dog. I had the same reaction when the vet told me my dog, Oliver, was an old man at 10. You are doing so much for Miles. He’s a lucky dog to have you!